Doorways

It's been a long winter, a long season on an even longer road, but it feels as if a corner has been turned.

So many days over the past few months, I've awakened feeling depressed or anxious, sometimes to the point of panic, without knowing exactly why. I learned a long time ago that if I just get up and get moving, and not get caught up in believing that to be my "truth", I'm usually able to move myself out of that state. Some days recently it's felt like being on rollercoaster of emotions and energy levels ... up and down, all over the place, from one moment to the next. Lately I've found myself going through periods of great irritation, where I don't feel comfortable inside my own skin and where nothing seems to work right; where everything feels cumbersome and out of kilter.

From what people are telling me, there are a lot of us experiencing this. The usual inclination in this kind of circumstance is to reach out for something to grab onto -- some belief or goal, or a category to stick the experience in, or some thought or activity familiar and comfortable -- but that doesn't seem to work very well now. I've felt kind of "floaty", having let go of so much of what I identified with, in the midst of moving into new ways of thinking and relating to myself and the world. Sometimes I find myself stewing about it all, being so far out of my comfort zone but knowing that I can't (and don't want to) go back.

Then I hear a voice inside saying, "it's cool. Just let it be for now." The only reliable ground I have right now is inside myself, what I know and feel. And isn't that great? What a wonderful place to be. Maybe that's one of the many gifts this time has for me (and I know I'm not the only one): to meet that point of trust inside of myself, that I've finally accessed because I got to where I had no choice.

I just came across this quote. Boy, did it bring back memories of the time when I first heard it, in the excellent "Power of Myth" series of interviews Bill Moyers did with Joseph Campbell in the late 1980s. There's been a lot of water under the bridge since then, literally and figuratively, but it is still as inspiring today as it was then. Since Campbell first said it, the phrase "follow your bliss" has gotten to be something of a cliché, but doggone it, it's true. Maybe we need to hear it, and hear it, and hear it some more. It's helped me through the last 20 years, that's for certain. And here I am again.

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know there were doors.

--Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

Comments

[Joanne]

What a beautiful quote, with much truth in it. When you immerse yourself in your bliss, whether it be a craft or hobby or way of life, gardening, knitting, writing, painting, we seem to be more aware of avenues to take it down, or possibilities to expand it with, until that bliss is truly a defining part of who we are. Thanks for sharing this inspiration.

[Kitty]

"until that bliss is truly a defining part of who we are" ... that's a lovely way to put it.

For some reason, accepting our "bliss", our creativity and happiness, seems so difficult for so many people. Yet it is an intrinsic part of our being, without which we are essentially disabled, much as if we cut off one of our limbs.

[Sharon]

You're right that this is such a time for many of us. The "rollercoaster of emotions and energy levels" well describes my last two years. I looked up the word bliss, which means great joy or happiness. The search for what that is at this stage of my life has been part of my recent journey. I like the image of doors opening.

[Kitty]

I'd be tempted to say its just another menopause symptom, except that (1) I'm past the main menopausal symptom stage, and (2) men are telling me they're experiencing it too.