It would be so easy right now to give in to cynicism and despair. I have to admit, I've done my share of that lately, and it has served mostly to bring me down. Do we look forward, or back at the past? The pull of the old is still there, even if it's just to grieve; but that's like going down into a pit, an energy drain, sucking the life out of everything. There is no energy in it -- except perhaps the energy of terror, and somehow that seems self-limiting, going nowhere -- and it gives none in return. Where the energy is, the joy and excitement, is in the new, even if we don't know what that is going to look like or how we're going to get there.
That takes a certain amount of trust, a willingness to jump off that cliff into the "wild blue", knowing that the experience won't be at all the way we've been taught it would be, or the way it has been before. The old landmarks are gone; the ideas and people and ways of approaching life that we used to hold onto for comfort and grounding aren't serving us anymore, and in many cases have been actively causing harm.
Thing is, do we have a choice? The old is dying; that cliff we're leaping from is the very last vestige of our old world, and at the moment we take flight, it disappears as well.
The good news, for me at least, is that not having any of the old things to hold onto has forced me to rely on myself, my inner voice, my feelings, my sensing. That seems to be the only solidity I have right now. No matter how shaky and goofy things get, that is the only thing that works for me -- when I do it.
I've been trying to get closure with the past, with certain people and situations; still trying to sort things out in my mind; but doing so has been dragging me down. It doesn't cause me to regress, because there is no going back. Instead, it's like going into a stall, or walking through mud in a fog; lethargic, not caring, almost a stupor. One thing that tells me is that the time for closure is over. If there is anything further to be done with or about any given person or situation, we'll meet up on the other side of the leap.
Random chapter from the Tao Te Ching:
46
When a country is in harmony with the Tao,
the factories make trucks and tractors.
When a country goes counter to the Tao,
warheads are stockpiled outside the cities.
There is no greater illusion than fear,
no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself,
no greater misfortune than having an enemy.
Whoever can see through all fear
will always be safe.
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