It feels like I've been in the delivery room for years. Starting in early 2002, I've experienced periodic waves of depression, panic, despair, and overwhelming sadness. As anyone who's been there knows, this is not just emotional but physical. At first, they'd arrive sporadically over time, like the initial pains of labor do. This summer, it's been almost constant. ("The contractions are coming every five minutes now.")
I could attribute it to menopause, to various personal or world events, PTSD, Hurricane Katrina, genetics, my childhood traumas, collective human evolution, or whatever personal challenge I happened to be going through at the moment. Many times I'd talk to other people who were experiencing the same thing at the same time. At this point, I'm not sure the reason matters as much as what I do with it.
Surrender to the process, use the breath, and let life emerge through me.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.-- Jalāl ad-Dīn Rumi
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